The original drive to become a foster carer came from my girlfriend but it immediately appealed to me because I’m a Methodist and have a strong sense of community values.
We didn’t have any children of our own, but she was half native American and I was white British, so we thought we would be well placed to provide a home to a young mixed-race person.
The assessment process was quite long. We had to fill out a form known as ‘Form F’, which is about 60 pages long. You learn a lot about yourself doing this – your attitudes, your lifestyle, what’s important to you. There were then four or five weeks of interviews.
[Rebecca**] was aged ten and had been in foster care since she was seven. She had been living with a 90-year-old in London as that’s all the local authority fostering team had available.
We went to London to meet her for the first time. We stayed the night and the next morning took her to Ikea to choose things for her room. We made her a scrapbook of our house and life so that she would have an idea of what to expect.
The weekend after, the social worker brought her to Bath to stay with us. One of my hobbies is rock climbing, so we took her to the Wye Valley to do some rock climbing, and then on the Sunday took her to a free music festival. You could see how much she enjoyed these experiences and how different it was from her current setup in London. She came to live with us the following weekend as a permanent foster placement arrangement until she was 18 years old.
We had a lot of support from the B&NES team and an appointed social worker to help us. After a year, my girlfriend and I separated, and I thought that would be the end of the foster placement. But [Rebecca} was given the choice and she said she wanted to stay with me. I was delighted.
One of the early highlights for me was how quickly she settled in. It was so different from her life in London that it was something the team had been concerned about. But during the first six-month review, the social worker asked her what her favourite thing about living with us was. She thought about it and said, “Seeing friends at school”. That was a really special moment, as we knew it meant she had settled.
[Rebecca] was very quick to understand my quirky sense of humour. One day, I was at home alone and she arrived back from school. She was always losing her keys and this day was no different. She rang the doorbell for me to let her in. I opened the door just a crack and said, “What do you want?” as if I didn’t know her. She said, “I’ve got something to sell.” I asked her what it was and she said, “A hug.” I opened the door and she gave me a proper hug. Halfway up the stairs to her bedroom, she turned and said, “I hope you’re happy with your purchase.”
Another joy was teaching [Rebecca] to read. She was 10 but had a reading age of six. Every night we used to read to her for half an hour. Within six months, she was able to read by herself and was up to the age of nine – I was astounded how quickly she caught up.
When she was 13, we threw a birthday party for her with her best friend in the style of an American prom. It was such a great day and lovely to see how settled she was.
Of course, we had our tricky moments. I found a new partner and it was difficult introducing her into [Rebecca’s] life. But [Rebecca} stayed with us until she was 20.
Her headteacher told our social worker at the beginning not to bother with her, that she would be pregnant by 16. I am so happy that [Rebecca} proved them wrong. She stayed at school and then went on to get a degree in Graphic Arts. She’s now in her 30s.
This has been an experience I wouldn’t have wanted to be without. The joy of seeing a child that has been written off go on to achieve things is just amazing.
I consider myself on a day-to-day basis to be [Rebecca’s] Dad.
What is so special about foster caring? There is the possibility of transporting those children in need to another world – one that is much better.
